It seems like coming home

I said I would be gone for a year, but recently, this little corner of cyberspace has been calling me. Tonight, I finally gave in and asked Joel to set up a server in the States so I could read my friend's blogs and see white stone, some plaintive little voice whispered inside. I rarely post... even when China's Great Firewall isn't there to stop me, but I so enjoy this little outlet of creativity when I do. I dearly love to write, and I am very cozy with my little audience that may or may not be reading... because you see, I've discovered that it really doesn't matter. And imagining no one is listening gives me a cricket-like courage to sing as loud as I can until someone hears and I retreat in timidity.

I'm afraid that my time in the spotlight on the other blog has made my cricket legs feel faint. There are too many people reading... too many people to think of, to many people to write to, too many people with so many needs, too many people wanting to know about my odd little life here in the middle of China. He so often reminds me... "let no one despise your age but be ye an example..." "be not dismayed before their faces" "fear God... not man." But I'm afraid my heart is too weak still... so I've hopped home for a quick moment... to post my thoughts about this place that we will soon leave, and hopefully show you, my cricket's audience, what I see in this huge strange world. And maybe you'll forgive my timidity, as He's still working on me.

(This picture was before we knew junior was here with us...I think I was about 5 weeks along :) 

You know what breaks my heart about China? The women. The reams and reams of women that know nothing of God. Yes, I suppose I always pitied them, but now, having been here for a while, it breaks my heart. Do you realize how much knowing God gives us? Not just a fire escape from Hell, not just relief in knowing your destination, not just purpose in life, but depth. "In Thy presence is the fullness of joy." He brings fullness to life that we don't understand fully until we see lives... thousands of them, millions of them... that have no fullness. They have dreams, yes... for a rich (hopefully American) husband, for money, for belongings, for a "Western" life, but never any peace. The women here are beautiful, but empty. They long only for money... for a good marriage, and as the saying goes, "I would rather cry in the back of a BMW than smile on the back of a bike." How thankful I am for my little group of precious kindred spirits, who look to God for their hope. Who, yes, are plagued by their own fears... fears of not "going anywhere in life", of facing of loneliness, or of mundane life filled with house cleaning, children and errands. But these women let their fears be tempered by Him. These are women that constantly look up to Him. Who know beauty, joy and fullness right where they are because of the presence of a Friend and Father that they love. China's poverty is spiritual, not physical. It breaks my heart every day to see it.

China is not physically poor though... not parts of it. This country has cities and skyscrapers and transportation and wealth that we know nothing of in the States. This materialistic world, this mammoth of a nation I have no doubt that they will overtake the US in the future, at the rate they are growing and improving that I have witnessed in my short stay here... and sooner than I ever thought possible. And we, back home, sip our coffee and go on our vacations completely unaware of what is happening just around the globe. Why should this bother me? Since when has economics and politics ever caused me to lose sleep? Not because I think we should be richer or that our country is better, but because... of a simple question that haunts me. What will the world be when its leading power is completely without God as a society? I shudder to think, but I will leave this in His hands, because He sets up nations and brings them down, for they are only dust on the scales. It is very easy for me to feel fear for my little haven of home when I see this huge nation, but one thing I have learned while I am here is that my life, my family, my assembly, are in His hands. My home is in Heaven, no matter what happens to the place I call home on earth. That this nation, and mine are "dust on the scales"... nothing to Him. I've learned to place this fear in His hands, knowing that no matter what comes in my lifetime, He is in complete control and that He has plans for me, "for good and for harm...to give me hope and a future." me and all those who are "called according to His purposes.

If anything, now that I've written a bit of my heart out for you, I would ask you to remember to thank God for your life... for every choosing you, saving you, for giving you hope and future, for showing Himself to you, for giving you a home, family, warmth, love and security... and yes, even for your fears and trials, because without them you would never know what security, peace and His strength really are.  Because there are millions of girls and women over here who know nothing of the beauty of life that He has given you so lavishly.